I have been feeling a higher background level of anxiety lately. Most of it stems from future and existential fears and uncertainties — can I make this whole working for myself really work financially? What will that look like? Am I good enough? Is there a better way I should be spending my time and energy? Yikes. Big questions.
A quote I came across made me nod vigorously in agreement. But that was quickly followed by an eye roll. The quote from The Daily Stoic stated the following:
“When I see an anxious person, I ask myself, what do they want? For if a person wasn’t wanting something outside of their own control, why would they be stricken with anxiety?” — Epictetus
Intellectually, I get it. Yes, I know that I can’t control the outcome of these situations. Yes, I know I should accept that. Yes, I know that worrying about it won’t be helpful. Yes, I know that I should just focus on the day-to-day things I do have control over and let go of the rest.
But that intellectual understanding didn’t feel like enough. That intellectual knowing and “don’t worry so much” mindset didn’t penetrate at a level that made the anxiety die down in any substantial manner. And my usual first lines of defenses for anxiety, the fundamental practices — some form of meditation, yoga, a good diet, and enough sleep — also weren’t cutting it. It felt like something else was needed to help alleviate this champions league feeling of anxiety.
So I tried a different approach. Instead of proactively thinking about what I didn’t want, I tried to proactively feel what I did want. Proactively choosing how I wanted to feel and making an effort in cultivating that in the now. In retrospect, some may call this setting an intention — “a determination to act in a certain way.”
This process specifically manifested as:
- Choosing the one word of my ideal being/feeling state. This one word could be acceptance, trust, present, relaxed, etc. Mine was “patience”.
- Cultivating that word in all my actions throughout the day. Whether that’s brushing my teeth, walking down the street, cooking, writing an email, laying in bed, sitting on the couch reading a book, talking with a friend, doing laundry, sitting in a meeting, or writing this post. Whatever it was, asking myself — “How can I be more patient (insert your word here) right now?”
- Noticing my resulting actions to that question — taking a deep breath, relaxing my shoulders, arms, and facial muscles, un-clenching my butt muscles (truth!), drinking some water, standing up and shaking out my body, taking a break, repeating “patience” as a mantra in my head throughout the day.
Choosing and cultivating this intention gave me back my power. That no matter what the end outcome, a proactive cultivation of my chosen feeling could be achieved in every moment along the way. It gave me a means to embody that classic saying to enjoy the journey, regardless of the destination.
I also realize there’s no magic bullet to completely alleviate all feelings of anxiety. Feelings have their natural ebbs and flows, some moments with more or less intensity. Thus, choosing a path with intention is a daily, effortful, practice. I often find myself revisiting the practice multiple times a day. But I take solace knowing that in any of those moments, I hold that choice. A proactive choice to simply refocus on my intention and cultivate that state of being in the now. And by taking control in those small everyday moments, I’m putting myself back in the driver’s seat and letting anxiety take a back seat.