catherine pao

I have been feeling a higher background level of anxiety lately. Most of it stems from future and existential fears and uncertainties — can I make this whole working for myself really work financially? What will that look like? Am I good enough? Is there a better way I should be spending my time and energy? Yikes. Big questions.

A powerful feeling has stuck with me from the past year traveling. It was the single-most pervasive feeling during my month in the Netherlands. The Dutch call it “gezellig” (pronounced heh-sell-ick) and it’s at the heart of their culture. There is no English equivalent, but definitions include: anything that’s quaint cozy friendly and homey, a warm atmosphere enjoying the simple things in life, and my personal favorite, “the essence that lights up our soul”. Yes. THAT feeling.

After 15 months traveling through 14 countries, I have now moved to SF! I often get asked “what’s it like to be back?”. And honestly, it doesn’t feel THAT much different. Because at its heart, so much of my travels has been about cultivating a way of being. And this way of being is now my driving force in everything I do. At the core of this way of being is a dance between two things...

The overwhelming majority of music I've listened to in the past 8 months traveling have been songs with a strong emphasis on piano. Specifically from Ludovico Einaudi, Emanuele Fasano, Jon Hopkins, and Nils Frahm. The directness of their music to connect to the emotional fountain of my soul is unparalleled. Music that taps into feelings of joy, loneliness, ecstasies, and frustrations. Music that is the perfect soundtrack that makes me feel like I'm living a Hollywood movie moment...

The past 6 months traveling have hands down been the best in my life. And when I think back on the most memorable and formative moments and experiences from this trip that have made a permanent impact at the soul level, they all have one thing in common: me feeling the complete fullness of being alive...

I lost my passport a couple weeks ago (temporarily). Pretty terrifying experience. I was motorbiking in central Vietnam in a remote mountain area when a cord snapped and my small backpack with a lot of valuables (including my passport) fell off. I didn't notice for 15km. And when I drove back, I found the broken cord on the road but no backpack...

The best 4 days I've had in 3 months have ironically also been the most fear-filled 4 days of this whole trip.Yesterday, I finished my first solo motorbiking loop in Ha Giang, Vietnam -- 350km, 16 hours listening to Ludovico Einauldi, and an infinite amount of awe-inducing, jaw-dropping, stunning vistas.

"Solo traveling" is a funny phrase. In the past few weeks, I've felt the complete opposite of being by myself and more connected than ever. In fact, it's taken conscious effort and a hellavu lot more work to get alone time -- the default state has been constantly surrounded by others. 

On this historic day for the world, it's also a big day for me personally. I'm leaving the country today for my first ever year-ish long solo backpacking trip through Southeast Asia, Africa and wherever the adventures take me...