One of the funniest moments of my life came in the most unexpected setting: a 10-day silent meditation retreat.
Almost exactly 1 year ago, I finished my first Vipassana in Myanmar. For 10 days, there was no talking, no cell phones, no internet, no reading, no writing, no music. Eye contact with others also discouraged. 11 hours/day sitting in silent meditation. Me with my own thoughts. Bringing awareness to sensations in my body. That’s the gist of it. Definitively the most physically and mentally challenging thing I’ve ever done. But also simultaneously one of the best gifts I’ve ever given to myself. Back to the moment I’ll never forget:
It was Day 7. Going on hour 76. And this specific hour, we’re advised to try really hard to not move at all. Maintain complete stillness. And then, halfway through the silence comes the most unexpected sound from across the room: a very long drawn out, loud, wet fart. Yup, someone lets it fully rip. Not holding back in the slightest. This was the mother of all farts. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next…
I completely lose it. My whole body completely erupts in uncontrollable laughter. The kind that makes your cheeks hurt, armpits sweat, and tears flow out of your eyes. I’m feeling so utterly embarrassed and immature, but I can’t stop laughing. I haven’t properly smiled or laughed in a whole week at this point. The floodgates just opened. Deep breathing? Not helping. Hearing soft snickering from others around the room also trying to be contained. Hilarious. The two nuns sitting directly in front of me stoic as ever. Hilarious. Thinking about Goenke’s lesson on impermanence “and this too shall pass…”. Passing gas!? I’m choking on my laugh at this point. And then to top it all off, my eruption sets off the woman next to me into her own laughing fit. She voluntarily leaves the room. And now, I’m dying. This is too good. I stuff my face into my hoody and bury my head on my knees, counting down the minutes before this sit is over.
Beyond the hilarity of the fart being a fart, this moment is so memorable because of two things:
1. I felt that elusive “oneness”. That we are all one and the same. An incredibly strong sense of connection and belonging with the 100 foreigners and local Burmese sitting with me. A powerful reminder that connection can be forged without words, without sight, and in complete anonymity. That even a fart, the most basic universal human experience can break down egos to bind us all. It’s the little things that can often be the most powerful in creating connection & a feeling of oneness: a genuine smile, a heartfelt hug, making someone laugh, fully listening, singing, or even blasting Taylor Swift when completely surrounded by non-English speakers.
2. The fart also brought lightness in the dark. Meditation can feel like such a serious affair, especially when you’re sitting 11 hours of day. That fart was the perfect reminder to chill the f out, lighten up, and sink into joy and relaxation. That feeling balanced when meditating and in most life things is found when embracing BOTH polarities simultaneously: a strong, stable, steadiness (sthira) with a comfortable, relaxed, joyful ease (sukha). Most of us have plenty of sthira, but not enough sukha. Half the battle is simply being aware that more comfort and ease is even possible and consciously choosing that relaxed manner.
Who knew that a fart would become so meaningful for me? Suffice to say that I carried ear plugs with me to every group meditation after that episode. :)
10 minutes after Noble Silence was broken after 10 days. The first sound I made took the form of a rolled over laugh.